The time has come for you to “do a thing”. You’ve met, with your safe call in place. You have done thorough vetting as well as your intense negotiations. Now, it is playtime. There is nothing else to do but go, right? Remember, safety is always important, even during play. There are still some things to be mindful of. Make sure there is a medical/first aid kit available.
If you are the Top, be aware of your play area. Make sure there is room for you to do whatever type of play you’ve negotiated. Do not get so caught in the scene that you do not pay attention to your bottom. Be mindful of their body language. You should be attentive enough to catch verbal and non-verbal clues that your bottom may need a break.
Check in with them periodically to ascertain their physical and mental state of mind. Are they in sub-space? Do they appear to be heading that way? Are they able to continue with the scene? No matter how noisy the space is, always be attuned to your bottom.
If you choose to use the safe word color system of red, yellow, and green, the safe word “yellow” means to pause play and check in with your bottom. It does not mean to automatically switch to another body part. The safe word "red means the scene is over.
Check to see if your bottom has engaged in drinking or drugs before the scene. These are things that can alter their response and perception. Showing up to a scene in that state is a red flag and an unnecessary risk. Finally, Tops, do not negotiate or renegotiate any type of play after the scene has started. The endorphins released during a scene can impair the bottom’s judgment and cause them to want to do more than agreed upon. Negotiate that “more” at a later time for your next play session together.
If you are the bottom, confirm that your Top has a clear understanding of your safewords. The color system is the most common for new play partners. Verify that your Top has not been drinking or taking any drugs before the scene. Be mindful of your limits. If you feel unsafe or uneasy about doing the scene, you are not obligated to continue or even start the scene. A great scene starts with trust; in the person you're with and the situation.
If you are observing the scene, observe in silence, The Top and bottom are creating a bond through the scene. Noises and comments can take away from that experience. Keep your distance. There are reasons why certain toys are called “Weapons of Ass Destruction”. Getting too close can cause you to get hit by something you don’t want to. Respect the space, respect the scene.
BDSM play sessions are about having fun and enjoying yourselves; whether sensual, impactful, or torturous. Safety before, during, and after is crucial for a great play experience. It’s okay to hurt, it is NEVER okay to harm.
Remember your safety should always come FIRST.
Until next time…Have fun…Enjoy life…Be safe!